Oh What a Night..............

Here I am, back in the steppes following an almost month-long holiday visit to family and friends in the Middle East and Europe.  There, I enjoyed the care that, apart from the traditional sentimental issues, manifested itself in the way they all took interest on my long unattended, unbalanced diet….  So, I took sheer advantage of the situation and grabbed and engulfed more or less whatever nourriture was put in front of me (vegetables, meat, seafood, jam, butter, chocolate, cheese, cakes and the lot).

I was somewhat surprised that I came back with 2.5kg more than I left this territoire with……..  In the good ol’ days, Frankie would tell me that I should do it ‘my way’ because ‘ohhhh, what a woefully waist, la la…..’ or something along those lines….

But the real issue here is not that.  It’s more to do with the fact that, upon arriving to my flat, in the early hours of a given day, hungry as a polar bear, I dropped my bags and went straight to the refrigerator.  And then, I panicked !!!  The beautiful, all-mirrored appliance was also shining on the inside, i.e. it was shining empty, and I mean totally empty, except for a solitaire (no, not a diamond you fool) semi rotten tomato !!  I then remembered that, when I left, I took all I saw inside the electric cooling apparatus and gave it to the chaps down at the reception…..

Then, in a stroke of genius, I sprung to the nearest cupboard and tried my luck with the cookies.  There was an open package lying there, alone on a shelf.  But, no, I decided to save myself from getting yet another crown and put the ‘rocks’ away in the trash can…..  How tough is that !!!

Needless to say, and I do not know how to explain this better, my frustro-meter was in the purple zone (red was simply not enough)….  I couldn’t even drink water from the tap since, as they say where I come from, ‘better to lose one night in your life than lose your life in a night (at the hands of the hospital’s crew)’……  So I went to my room and hit the poor pillow with all my Wing Tzun strength, and using my already specialist’s skills in trying to destroy it……….  Fortunately, the poor thing stoically resisted the relentless punching and came back in full shape, as it is one of those modern things called ‘ortho-pedo’ or something like that.

Breakfast time, no comments (more of the above)…….

So, before coming back to the cave from a nightmarish morning at work, I decided that it would, perhaps, be a good idea to stop at the grocer and at the tiny market to buy some fruit, tomatoes, cucumbers, eggs, yogurt, bread and butter all of which are an integral part of my daily steppy diet……

After carrying out the imperative ritual of washing (and carefully drying) all of it before putting into the fridge, I sat down in the living room to let the adrenaline rush subside….  Once my heart beat had returned to my 60pm rhythm, I went back to the refrigerator to contemplate mon oeuvre…….

It took me a few minutes to massage my face to get rid of that funny ‘rictus’ that sticks into one’s face when you think that you’re too-good-to-be-true……  I suddenly realized that my excitement was such that, should I have had a tail, this would had been wagging like mad and would, most likely, had engraved a substantially deep Z in the velveted wallpaper (let alone scratching the nearby shiny face of the microwave…..).

The reason for the above was simple.  The sheer satisfaction to regain the sight of the colorful, perfectly displayed eating items inside the fridge, was mind blowing !!  At this point, eating became a bit of a painful exercise since, destroying such admirable harmony, was almost a sin…………..

I also discovered that, in my uncontrollable anger the previous night (as a matter of fact just a few hours before), I did not spot two critical elements.  One was a glass container that displayed mini artichoke derrières, and the other was a plastic ‘bag’ (for the lack of a better word) of mayonnaise.  I guess that, in my subconscious, these items were offset, i.e., untouchable…  Why?  Only He knows…..  Perhaps because the contents of my refrigerator are so mundane that these other ones, carefully chosen, represented a ‘must-have-look-but-no-touch’ kind of thing…..

Anyway, I set the table and got ready for the sacrifice of a few vegetables, a ‘portion’ of fruit and a yogh….  Then I remembered my tender youth when I would hear that scary song with lyrics like ‘hey, man, take a look at the expiry dates’ or thereabouts…  So, I armed myself with unparalleled courage and went right for the ‘special items’.  Indeed, caducity was an issue………  So, despite my guilt, I went ahead and unlocked the hermetic caps that guarded the contents of stuff that few around here have and, should they do, they would be having a proper degustation……

What can I tell you other than the fact that, yet again, I made it through the pénuries…  All the while, singing the aria of this famous Opera singer I can hear lulling ‘I’ll survive, I will survive, etc, etc, and blah………..’.

À la prochaine…..